The Father, or living with dementia

 

 

I watched this movie few weeks ago, I wanted to write about it but could not get my thoughts together. There is not much to say; if you have ever cared for, or worked with someone suffering from dementia, it is a must watch, and it makes sense. If have never cared for a dementia sufferer then you will get mesmerised by this masterclass performance from Hopkins and Colman.

 

The story line is simple, the plot is simple, and there are not many characters to confuse you. It is not Tenet or Inception, a mind blowing thought experiment, it is soft, sweet and a humble journey through weeks or even days in the life of the retired engineer Anthony, except that he has dementia, so things might feel like Tenet and Inception, especially for you, the carer.

 

Have you ever looked at someone’s eyes and all you could see is emptiness! Looking back at you with fear mixed with feeling of being lost, still the person does not know what they want. Vacant, that’s how I can describe their state of mind, they are climbing out bed, or wondering in the corridor, but they do not know what they are running from, and to where!

I was taught as a student that the best way to deal with confused patients (and paranoids) is to go to their world, then bring them slowly to yours. This technique has always been successful, till I start working with dementia sufferers, where reality is jumbled and a lot of it missing, so their world does not exist, and yours- to them- does not make sense.  

The Father made sense to me, I could easily relate to the suffering of Anthony, also to the struggle of his daughter Ann. I have seen this many times, as the patient is suffering, not actually aware of their own suffering, and in the process their family are pushed to the limits, feeling guilty for not being able to help, and equally realising that there is nothing that could help.

 

If you have not watched the Father, then watch it. If you have not worked or cared for someone with dementia, then watch it.