Time
2 parts short story- by Ahmad Baker
Jun, 2012
Him- 1
Time, it is so precious. I
try to save every second I could. Running home after a long day at work is a
good example of how precious time is, and how careful I am in saving it. I take
the Bakerloo line from Edgware Road Station rather than Paddington, that saves
me approximately a minute. I am very careful to sit in the second coach, by the
end door, so when I get off at Oxford Circus Station I do not need to walk long distance against the crowd to get to the exit, another minute saved. As I reach the Vitoria line I stand under the digital clock, just a foot
to the right, that is where the doors open, and that would be the perfect exit
for the Finsbury Park
I walked onto the tube and
stood next to the door on the right hand side, this is the door side that opens
at Finsbury, few more seconds! I scanned the passengers as I always do hoping
that I can find a familiar face, and to my surprise this time I have!
It has been almost 10 years
since we last saw each other, and 10 years is a very long time.
She has changed a lot! Does
not life change us everyday without consent! The hair is now blonde; she always
said “I will never dye my hair blonde, ever” well, something has changed; I bet
there are few greys in there. Few lines appearing around the eyes, age is a
fact, we all know, and some are good at hiding it, she used to say that as
well. Clearly she has put on some weight, I remember when she used to say I
will kill myself if I become fat! She is not fat, yet, but getting there!
Her smile is not the same, it
made me doubt if it was her, she definitely lost the sparkle, that what I loved
most! I could see a glimpse of a smile, did she see me, or it is just her
normal cheerful attitude to life. She was always happy and cheerful, “there is
a lot to celebrate in life and everyday I find new things to be happy about”
that what she said to me when I complained how happy she always is. She asked
me what things make you happy, I paused,
I wanted to say: you, but I could not.
I looked at her hands and she
is wearing a ring, so she is married, however, there no rings to say if you
have children or not! What difference would that make?
I said to her once that she
will live single and die single, because no man is good enough for her. I did
not say “even me” but I kind of knew it. Obviously she has proved me wrong, or
maybe I was right about the latter part, not the first one!
I always hoped that we meet
again, there were a lot of things I wanted to say and share with her. I wanted
to tell her how I really felt about her, which I never did. I wanted to have
the chance to start the relationship again, although we have never had a
“relationship” as such, we were not in a relation, but we were not just
friends. Both of us knew it, but I never had the courage to say a thing, she
always looked too good for me, out of my league. Still she was always nearby,
very close. As much as we seemed close, we were apart. And as the weird
friendship started it ended, sudden! She moved jobs, I could not move. I never
called, nor did she!
I did not want her to see me,
I did not have words to say to her. After all these years you expect to have
loads of interesting stuff that you have done, but for me: life is just as
predictable as life could be! Average is the word I would use describing every
aspect of it. Average or even below, that is me!
As I was hiding inside me so
she can not see me, or see through me, I wondered: why I am striving to save
seconds and minutes everyday when over the last ten years I have not done
anything worth talking about? Time -I call precious- have been wasted over the
past decade.
The tube stopped at King’s
Cross, she walked passed me and looked me at the eyes and said: hey you; how
are you?
She was walking in way to say
that I am getting off here, so I replied quickly as the tube stopped and before
the doors opened: I am well.. great to see you. I wanted to hold her in my arms
and cry loud I miss you, but I did not.
The doors opened and she got
off and looked at me and said: take care!
She never said that before,
she used to say: I will see you soon, bye bye! And then wave with her right
hand. Sometimes she would wink, I loved that, and she knew it!
I smiled and nodded, did not
know what I could say. I threw myself on the empty seat and started to wonder
what is the point of saving seconds when I am wasting my entire life?
Time,
Her- 2
I stopped caring about
it long time ago. What is the point of caring about minutes and seconds when
you have sixty seconds in every minute; that is a lot of seconds. If I struggle
in keeping myself occupied everyday why would I care if I waste an hour here or
an hour there.
I got to Victoria Victoria
At Oxford Circus station as
the crowds pushed their way inside or outside the tube, I saw a familiar face
walking in; I am shocked! It has been nearly ten years since we last met, does
not time fly? It does not!
As the rest of the passengers,
he rushed into a corner and locked himself, into himself. I did not think he
noticed me, and I tried to avoid looking at him, but I could not resist. He has
aged, I could see some grey hair, and even started to go bold. “My hair is my
life line” he used to say that a lot, his lifeline is running low! He also put
on weight, he had never been active and fit, but he is clearly letting himself
go!
He is wearing a wedding ring,
“I will only get married when I find my soul mate; which I do not believe that
such a thing exists” that what he used to say, I smiled when I remembered that.
Shame there are no rings to tell if you have children; what difference would
that make?
Did he see me, not sure if he
has! He looked so lonely, like the rest of the passengers on the tube. He was
not smiling, rather he had a frown face. “I am happy, but smiling is for others
to see that I am happy, not to say if I am or not” he said when I asked him why
he rarely smiles. He asked me why I am so cheerful, I wanted to say because I am
with you, but I could not. What a strange relation we had, we never had a
proper relation, but definitely we were more than just friends. We saw each
other everyday, we talked for hours, but we never said how do you feel about each other. And as
the relationship started, it ended: sudden! He changed his mind about moving in
the last minute, so I moved jobs and cities and since he never called, nor did
I.
I did not want to talk to him
because I was ashamed of my failures. What things can I say to him? It has been
ten years, and I could not fill a minute talking about them years. Average is
the word, everything in my life over the past decade could be summarised in one
word: average. What a life that could be abstracted in such a boring
expression, I said to myself.
I started copying everyone
else on the tube and hiding inside myself, wondering: why I became so careless
and boring. Why I lost sense of time and let life takes me as it wished. Can I
just continue like this or I have to face my reality and be myself, again.
As the tube approached Kings
Cross I got up and walked towards the doors, which he was standing next to. He
looked me at the eyes and smiled; I looked up all the words I know and still
did not know what I can say, so I just opened my mouth: hey you, how are you? I
wanted to hold him in my arms and cry loud: I miss you! but I did not. He said:
I am well, great to see you! He never said such a thing before, he used to say:
happy to see you, really I am. And then give me a big smile, I loved that, and
he knew it.
I stood there waiting for the
doors to open, and hoping that he would say something, but he did not, and the
doors did. I made my way out and mumbled: take care. I did not look back.
I walked fast towards the
exit, looking at the sings to find the way to my train, I felt the urge inside
me to move fast, to try and save time, so I can do more, I have wasted enough.
Nice, therapeutic
ReplyDelete