Sat Nav story

Nearly midnight, alone in my car, driving on the motorway. many cars passing by and in the darkness a little light inside; sat nav on every dashboard. I asked myself : why everyone is using a sat nav to guide them to their destination, except me? Am I the only who knows the way? I looked at my right, my left, all having that dim light inside guiding them. I thought I knew my way, but now I feel I am lost. I wanted to stop to check and ask for directions, as I drove to the hard shoulder I lost control of the car, breaking hard didn't help and I  hit the metal barrier, the front glass smashed and my car was flying and turning! As my soul was leaving my body, it reached into my pocket, got the phone out and turn the sat nav on to find directions to heaven.

أنا وجدتي وجبينة

أنا وجدتي وجبينة

كتبها  الصديق بدر بدر

عندما كنت صغيرا كانت جدتي في و قت الظهيرة تجلس و تطلب مني أن أنام و أضع رأسي على رجلها و تبدأ بسرد قصة فلسطينية تراثية قصيرة و كانت أحد هذه القصص هي قصة....جبينة..و سأكتب القصة كاملتا في النهاية....و قصة جبينة...يبدو أنها قصة تشبه قصة القدس بمعاناتها...وفي عام 1987 غنت كميليا جبران قصيدة جبينة التي كانت تقول فيها القدس مرة و جبينة مرة اخرى في اشارة الى ان هذه القصة هي ان معاناة الانسان الفلسطيني منذ القدم هي معاناة القدس:

يا طيور طايرة.. ع الجبال العالية
قولي لأمي وابوي.. القدس راعية
ترعى وز! وتمشي غز
وتنام تحت الدالية..(مال الصمود ومالنا)
بدنا نعيش عيالنا.. واللي حاله باعها
واللي جاع معها ذراعها.. مالكم ومالها؟
فالها ع حالها!.. صامدة ولو عارية
يا طيور طايرة.. ع الجبال العالية
قولي لأمي وابوي (جبينة) صاحية!
توكل لوز وبدها جوز! كله صحة وعافية
قايمة نايمة!صاحية حافية..تحت القمر
بين الشجر.. عين الضبع..فوق النبع!
مال الضبع ومالها؟ فالها ع حالها!
معلش شو صار؟ الحرة شعلة ثار
معلش مش عيب؟ عذرا جنب الذيب!
مين بدو يصيب..حرة جنب الساقية

....وكأن جدتي كانت تريد أن تقول لي جبينة هي القدس و القدس هي جبينة....
و قصة جبينة هي كالأتي:

كان مرّة زلمة ومرته، المرة لا بتحبل ولا بتجيب، أجا زلمة ببيع جبنة ولبنة. شرت المرة منه جبنة وفاتت على بيتها وقالت "يا ربي يا حبيبي! تطعمني بنت بيضة مثل قرص الجبنة واسميها "جبينة" روح يا يوم وتع يا يوم. المره حبلت وخلفت بنت طلعت شلبية وسمتها إمها "جبينة" كبرت البنت وصارت صبيّة. أجا مرّة أمير عندهن وشافها واعجبته. طلب من إم جبينة إنو يتجوزها، قالتله: "أنا بغربش" لكن في النهاية وافق اهلها وكان عندهن خدّامة فطلبوا منها ان ترافقها. لما قرب موعد العرس، ركّبوا "جبينة" على الفرس مزيّنة ومزبّطه، وساقت فيها الخادمة عَ بلد العريس. قبل ما تمشي "جبينة" امها اعطتها خرزة تعلقها بصدرها وقالتلها: "بس تكوني بضيق نادي هي يمّا، بسمعك وبرُد عليك".مشيت العروس هي والخادمة. بالطريق الخادمة تعبت، قالت "لجبينه": انزلي بدي اركب مطرحك. نادت "جبينه": "هي يما"!. أمها قالت للخادمة:" سوقي ياخادمة!". ساقت الخادمة مسافه كبيرة. ولما تعبت قالت لجبينة :" انزلي بدي أركب مطرحك"، قالت "جبينه": "هي يما بدها تنزلني وتركب مطرحي: قالتلها الام:" سوقي يا خادمة سوقي" .ساقت الخادمة فتعبت وقالت لجبينه:"انزلي تركب مطرحك". نادت أمها- قالتلها بصوت واطي:"سوقي يا خادمة"! ساقت فتعبت . نزلوا يشربوا من بركة المي ولما نزلت جبينة تغسل وجهها وقعت الخرزة منها. ولما مشوا قالت لجبينة:"انزلي بدي أركب مطرحك". صارت جبينه تنادي أمها، معدتش أمها ترد عليها. قالتلها الخادمة:" خلص لا في امك هون ولا إشي". أجت الخادمة نزّلت "جبينه" عن الفرس وركبت مطرحها. بالطريق وصلوا ع ارض مشحره. أجت العبده مرمغت "جبينه" بتراب المشحر السّودة،فتغير لون جبينة. ودهنت الخادمة حالها بالشيد فصارت بيضه مثل "جبينه".ركبت الخادمة الفرس، و"جبينه" تسوق فيها، توصلوا دار العريس. فاتت واستقبلوها وتجوزت الأمير. قالت الحماة للخادمة اللي عملت حالها عروس: "قومي اشلحي واتغسلي بتتريحي". قالت العروس: "أنا نظيفة وبديش افوت اتغسل.عيالها عندهن وز وغنم، راحت جبينه اللي هي اسا الخدامة ترعى الوز والغنم بالوعر، وصارت تغني وتقول "يا طيور وطايره، يا وحوش غايره، سلموا ع أمي وأبوي، وقولوا جبينه بالوعر راعيه". تيصير الطيور والوز والغنم والشجر يبكوا معها. صار العريس يلحق "جبينه" عَ الوعر فيشوف شو بتساوي، أجا سمعها لما حكت هيك وعرف انها هي العروس الحقيقية، والخادمة عملت لعبه وضحكت عليها.روّح العريس عَ الدار وقال لإمو تقول للعروس تفوت تتغسل وتفرفك حالها. فاتت قامت بينت على حقيقتها، وفوتت جبينه تتغسل صارت توج وج. وهيك عرفوا الحقيقة وسجنوا الخادمة و"جبينه" تجوزها الأمير وعاشوا بثبات ونبات وخلفوا صبيان وبنات.

Imaginary friend

I have a friend, I believe that he exists but we only talk through writings, l have never met him (I presume he is a man), so maybe he is imaginary! These are some Email exchanges with my "imaginary" friend. 

  

Dear friend,
It's been a while, life is the same..

*******

Dear friend,
Same here..

###########################

Dear friend,
Strangely you came across my mind today, I was in a very boring lecture and halfway through it I noticed that the lecturer has astonishing resemblance to you, in the way he talks about things and sounds very negative about life and people..

*******

Dear friend,
I take that as a compliment, for being realistic about humanity.

###########################

Dear friend,
You will like this video:

*******

Dear friend,
So true..

###########################

Dear friend,
Today is Wednesday, same routine, coffee, underground, college, coffee, underground, coffee. It did seem good to have a break from the daily routine at first, now, this new break is routine in itself.

*******

Dear friend,
It is not the routine that kills the joy of our lives, it is life itself has become joyless.. 

###########################

 Dear Friend,

I was looking at some old photos and I remembered the old days when I was younger. I appear in the photos to be happier and less concerned with life, or maybe that is nostalgia, painting old memories with a fresh coat of paint to make everything better that it use to. not sure anymore.

******

Dear Friend,

I know

##########################

Dear friend,
When do you look in the mirror, what do you see?

*******

Dear friend,
Me.

*******

I mean, do you recognise your self, is this who I was or wanted to be?

*******

No, it is not who I was or who I wanted to be, but, it is still me. 

*******

Who are you if you are no longer the person who used to exist, and not the person you hoped to evolve into?

*******

I am the creature who came to existence as a result of failing dreams and ambitions, an outcome of sad reality, a production of sick society, I am who I am, might (definitely) not like it, but have to live with it!

*******

Thanks for the cheerful thought..

*******

You are welcome ;)

###########################

Dear Friend,

Are you around? I sent you few letters and you did not respond!

*******

.........................

########################

Dear Friend,

Are you there?

is anyone there?

*******

............

...........

...........

#######################

Dear friend,
Strangely I am looking forward to tomorrow, I want to believe it will be better than today..

*******

Dear friend,
It is already tomorrow, is it any better?
*******

Nothing is better, except my understanding of life..
*******

Would that make you feel better about life?
*******

No, the more I understand it the less I like it....
###########################

Dear friend,
Last year I said it was the worst year of my life, this year is much worse..

*******

Dear friend,
As long as you live, you will have worse days. Interestingly, things are only getting worse, not just for you, but for all of us sharing this planet! 

###########################

Dear friend ,
At what stage in life we can say: midlife crisis? Surely we must know what age they will die to be able to get the middle of it? 

*******

.........

*******

.........

*******

I think I will only live till my sixties, so mathematically, I have passed my midlife crisis.. 

###########################

Dear friend,
When the game stops to be interesting, the only viable question left to ask is when to pull the plug and switch off the lights..

.........

Sounds like a suicidal note.

.........

It is... 

###########################

Dear friend,
It has been a while, life is the same...

*******

Dear friend,
Same here..

Feverish dreams

Feverish dreams
Closing my eyes to sleep, I can feel every bone and every joint in my body, the pain is still there, not un tolerable, but uncomfortable. 

As soon as I drift into sleep the plays begin, I see myself standing in the crowd, and in the distance my late mother passes by. I try to follow her but the crowd keep pushing me in a different direction. I suddenly hear my bleep going off, it's A&E calling, I am now in my office and as I answer A&E I don't understand what the nurse has said, but sounded distressed. I decided to go down there but I couldn't stand. The porter comes with a wheelchair and starts pushing me, it is a very long corridor and the harder he push, the faster we go , the further the end seems. Suddenly he let go and the chair speeds to the end, it is a cliff and I fall. I am flying now, I can see the ground but although I am falling, I am falling up, not down. I fall high up to the clouds, I  can hear birds, no it's a plane, no its my alarm, no it's a heart, yes my heart, it is, bumbum, bumbum, bumbum, it's going faster and faster, and suddenly it stopped, no sound. I kept listening but silence was deafening. 

I opened my eyes and wondered for how long I slept. I have no clock on my bedroom wall because I can't stand the ticking noise. Couldn't see the clock in the hallway, it was very dark. Searched for my mobile and I tried to reach to where I thought it would be, the bedside cabinet, but as my arm stretched the cabinet looked far away. I got up and walked to the cabinet and it kept moving away. I started running towards it and when I got there my phone rang, I answered in a very weak voice : hello? The voice from the other side came in very weak : hello? I said: who's that? And the voice came back : who's that? I took the phone off my face and looked at the number and it was mine! I hang up but still could hear the voice going : who's that? Who's that? Who's that?

Doubts about the existence of God!

Doubts about the existence of God!

In a recent interview with BBC Bristol the Archbishop of Canterbury was asked if he has doubts and he replied “Yes, I do”. This answer went spiral with headlines saying the Archbishop of Canterbury doubts the existence of God.

I do not want to discuss the media handling of the statement, nor the believe of the Archbishop, what I really want to talk about is my believe, do I have doubts?

Yes, I do.

I think if anyone rushes to answering such question with “No” then I have doubts in his believe and would question if he/ she has real understanding of faith, whatever faith they follow.

Faith is based on believes, and to be faithful you must have strong believes. The strength of your believes improves if they are tested, time after time. If your believes do not change then probably you are not a believer, you just follow the flow, do what others do, your believes are what some refers to as ignorance.

In the Quran there are many stories of questioning God’s existence and abilities. Chapter 2 verse 260 tells us how Abraham asked God to show him how he resurrects the dead, when God asked him “Did you not believe?” he replied: “yes, but to satisfy my own undertaking”. In chapter 5 verses 112- 114 the disciples asked Jesus to ask God if he can descend a table upon them from the heaven, when Jesus questioned their request they said we have believed but we want to satisfy our hearts and know that you have told us the truth. These are only two examples of many in Quran and Hadeeth (teaching of the Prophet) about questioning or having some doubts.

On a personal level, and on reflection I have come across many moments in my life where I asked myself if there is really a God, a Creator? I have always come to the same answer: Yes, but I have never felt guilt in asking the question and I do not think I will ever stop.

Few years ago I listened to John Humphrey on Radio 4 Today’s programme asking the Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams if he knows that God exists? He replied: I believe that God does exist, but I do not know if he does exist.

Ahmad Baker

Death threat

To Owen Jones:



Dear Owen

The first time I heard of Owen Jones was when he appeared on Question Time in 2012; a very passionate, energetic, witty smart and articulate young man with an in depth knowledge of the Israeli Palestinian conflict and great convection about justice and socialism.  Since then I have read his column in the Guardian, later I followed his Twitter feed, and last month I have seen him on the Gaza marches in London. On Thursday he took part on the debate on Media Coverage of War on Gaza and I had the pleasure of briefly meeting him afterword.

Owen talked about the colourful collection of death threats he receives because of his stances, he joyfully said that he has his “favourite” ones! I felt that I need to send him one, and I hope that he adds mine to his collection:

Dear Owen, there is so much injustice around us and many people die and many suffer. You speak the truth, your writings and speeches are the voice of the many voiceless, you said that oppression progress through resignation and we know silence is the biggest resignation and it is a consent. If you choose to give in, if you choose to abandon fighting, if you choose to stop shouting the truth, if you do so, many will continue to die, many will continue to suffer, and many more will lose faith and hope of having any change and will stop the fight for justice. if you do not want more injustice then continue to challenge injustice. You receive death threats to silence you, but your silence will result in more and more deaths.
You, me, and many others who believe in a better world might not be able to achieve it, but will give a go, never resigning, always trying...

Regards

Ahmad

انتصار غزة وهزيمة أُحد

غزوة أُحد وحرب غزة..

(كلام قد لا يروق للكثيرين )

درسنا وتداولنا الكثير عن هزيمة جيش المسلمين في غزوة أحد، فلقد قتل المشركون سبعين من الصحابة، وجُرح العشرات وأُصيب الرسول صلى الله عليه وسلم في وجهه وكسرت رباعيته. لكننا ننسى أن هدف المشركين كان اجتثاث الإسلام وليس فقط الانتقام لهزيمتهم يوم بدر، وهم لم يحققوا هذا الهدف. وأيضاً قوة المسلمين العسكرية بقيت ثابتة برغم الشهداء و الجرحى، حتى أن الرسول صلى الله عليه وسلم وبمجرد عودته للمدينة أمر جيشه( الذي عاد من أحد) بالتحرك لحمراء الأسد، فقد بلغه أن جيش المشركين يريد الاغارة على المدينة. رابط الجيش في حمراء الأسد بضعة ليال ولم يأتي المشركون.

إذا اعدنا النظر إلى نتائج الغزوة - بمنظورنا الحديث - لوجدنا أن المشركين لم ينتصروا لأنهم لم يحققوا ما قدموا من أجله والمسلمين لم ينهزموا لأنهم ورغم الخسائر التي تكبدوها بقوا صامدين ولم ينتهي أمرهم. فلماذا لم يحتفل المسلمون حينها بالنصر ولماذا لا نحتفل اليوم بنصرهم يوم أُحد؟

لا شك أن معركة العصف المأكول حققت إنتصارات لأهل غزة، فصمود المقاومة وتوحدها وتوحد الشعب خلفها ومعها هو إنتصار. والتعاطف الشعبي العالمي وإحياء القضية الفلسطينية وحقوق الشعب الفلسطيني هو أيضاً إنتصار. وفشل إسرائيل ومصر والسعودية ومن على شاكلتهم في القضاء على المقاومة الفلسطينية في غزة هو هزيمة لهم.

حماس وعدت الشعب برفع الحصار وفتح الميناء والمطار، وأهلنا في غزة صمدوا ليتحقق ذلك الوعد. إتفاقية التهدئة التي توصلوا إليها لا تحقق اياً من هذا، ففتح المعابر هو للمعونات الإنسانية و إعادة الإعمار وتحت رعاية السلطة الفلسطينية، أي ليس فتحا كاملاً، والميناء والمطار للتفاوض بعد شهر، وكلنا يعرف معنى ومدى ما تحققه المفاوضات مع إسرائيل! لا أريد أن أقول أن المقاومة هُزمت، ولا أريد أن أقول أن غزة هُزمت، ولكني أجد مبالغة في تسميته انتصار، ورغم ذلك سأسميه انتصار.

يحق لأهل غزة بأن يفرحوا بصمودهم، ويحق لهم أن يتباهوا بثبات المقاومة، ويحق لهم أن يحتفلوا بفتح المعابر وتوسيع نطاق الصيد البحري، قاتلوا وقتلوا وقُتلوا والآن انتصروا فلهم أن يفرحوا. لكن هل حقاً "انتصرنا"؟ هل  يحق لنا أن نحتفل بهذا الانتصار؟ أنا أعني هنا أمثالي ممن تابعوا ما يحدث في غزة عبر شاشات التلفزة ولم يخسروا في هذه الحرب وهذا الحصار الإسرائيلي على غزة شيئاً. هل لنا أيّة حصة أو نصيب في هذا؟ نحن لم ننهزم، ولكننا لم ننتصر بعد، وهذا ليس وقت الإحتفال.

لك الله يا غزة، فوحيدة انت في صمودك، ويوم فرحك الكل له نصيب.

I am not a Palestinian

I am a Palestinian:

My grandparents lost their homes, land and everything

I was born in exile, like the other 7 million living in the diaspora

I have dual citizenship for countries that I cannot call “home”, and they make sure I don’t feel so

I wear Kufyia, have a flag in my car, a badge on my shirt, and many other handicrafts

I am a Palestinian,

I love my country, I take part in all demonstrations, lobbying, talks and campaigns

I know the history, talk about it to all whom I know

I am a Palestinian,

I have never been shoot at, never had an F16s or Apaches dropping their loads of hell over me, never stopped on a check point for hours, never jailed indefinitely. I have a house, not under threat of demolition, a fence on my garden, not a 28 foot concrete wall. I can travel to wherever I want, I have a job and get paid every month. My wife never gave birth on a check point, my children do not suffer from anaemia, malnutrition, and FEAR. None of my immediate family is a martyr, none has lost a limb or permanently injured.    

I am not a Palestinian, although I like to pretend I am…

From Gaza with love

This is a script produced by Dr Ahmad Hadi Shboul, an Australian writer and academic (published here with his permission):

Conversations with Dr Mona Elfarra, Director of MECA (Middle East Children Alliance), & a prominent clinical physician; Vice-president of Palestine Red Crescent in Gaza Strip; C0-founder of Al-Awda Hospital in Jabalia, Gaza; founder of several other cultural and humanitarian centres across the Gaza strip.

Dr Mona Elfarra is the author of FROM GAZA, WITH LOVE: popular Blog (Baitelyasmin, Cairo, 2011)

Summary of the transcript of a telephone conversation with Ahmad Shboul, on 7 August

I have hoped to use the recording of this telephone conversation with Dr Mona for one of our fund-raising activities in Sydney this month. Unfortunately, the quality of the phone line was not sufficiently clear. And I had to listen to the recording several times to be able to make this (slightly edited) transcript of what Dr. Mona said.
[I have presented the gist of this to our fundraising even last Sunday 10th August, in my own voice .. I found it difficult to remain composed ..]

Mona's voice reflected both the strength of her character and the strain under which she has been working tirelessly. In the following edited transcript, I have not included what I said to Mona, but kept Mona’s own words in the first person, as I heard her voice and was so moved by what she said:

“First of all, I should like to thank everybody, all of you, for your support. It is very important to us at this time and with this attack on us, which hasn’t yet ended.

As you know, we have been subjugated to long occupation and siege, and now bombardment from the air, land and sea.

We are not alone.. We have friends who support us, despite all the shameful stance .. the shameful silence, of the ‘official’ world.

All human rights have been violated by Israel.
Israeli forces have attacked every neighbourhood in he whole of the Gaza strip.

The worst thing for us as medical people has been that we could not reach many of the injured and wounded to save them.

Many people who died of their injuries could have been saved. But we were prevented, because of the vicious Israeli bombardment, from reaching them.
And the rescuers and ambulances were prevented from transferring them in time. This is inhuman.

What happened in Shuja’iya, for example, was beyond belief.
First there was the destruction of the neighbourhood in the first few days. Then, during a short ceasefire and lull in the bombardment, when people went to the Shuja’iya market to get some essentials, they were viciously attacked by Israeli bombardment.. Many were killed; and many more were injured.

There were also deliberate attacks against whole families".

[We know from other sources that about 70 prominent families were targeted in their own homes by israeli bombardment; and about 570 people were massacred in this delibrately targeted way - Ahmad]

"There is destruction everywhere
People were forced to flee from their homes; and they had to seek shelter in schools and other places.
Three United Nations schools were attacked, although the UN personnel have repeatedly notified the Israelis of the exact locations (coordinates) of the schools. These attacks were deliberate.

Now, of course, the new school year is supposed to start in about 2 weeks. But many schools are not fit for use.

One of the most serious problems we face, despite all our steadfastness, is that our community has been - and will continue to be - deeply traumatised for a long time.
This is particularly more acute in the case of thousands of children.

There is no real ceasefire or truce so far.

We are facing increased psychological problems among families and especially children.

There are so many stories one can tell about the extent of the trauma.
Children suffer from recurring panic attacks. Many of them cannot sleep.

The medical situation and medical care is so complicated.
As it happened we are not able to cater for all the normal daily cases, even without the latest Israeli onslaught on us.

The injured have exceeded 9000 in number.
25% of these are going to have permanent disabilities
We have been working round the clock.
Our teams are exhausted. But we go on working.
We do not have enough medicine for so many cases.
At MECA (Middle East Children Alliance) we tried to get as much medicines as possible from the local markets. But that hasn’t been enough.

Our medical teams have been mostly working under fire with bombs falling on top of them. Exhausted, working long hours ..
Several of our team members suffered personal losses. We lost dear colleagues. At least six of my team lost their homes and members of their families.
I myself [Mona Elfarra] lost 9 members of my family in one attack (in Khan Yunus)
All of us we had to postpone our personal grief.
During the short ceasefires, our medical and psychological support teams visited schools and other locations, which have become places of refuge and shelter.
People were taking shelter everywhere they could find refuge. In schools, mosques, hospitals, and gardens
We had to treat people on the streets as well.

Despite all the work we have been doing to help our people, there have been times when we felt so helpless.
I have always felt strong, but there were rimes when I had to say to myself: what can I offer more?..
What can we do in a situation where more than twenty-two thousand tons of ammunition have been dropped on us?
I feel strong. But then the question keeps recurring: where are we going? ..
So many people have been killed and more people injured..
I may die any minute.
I felt I have crossed the barrier between life and death several times.
The most important thing for us as medical people is to save people, to treat the injured, and to help families and children ..
426 children at least have been killed.
Thousands of children who have survived will keep re-living the terrible experiences that they have gone through.
I could give you so many figures of the civilian casualties, and of the destruction. .

But I like finally to say despite all this we are not victims..
We Palestinians seek justice and human rights.

Let me say: thank you all for your solidarity.

What the Palestinians in Gaza and all Palestinians need is not charity, but SOLIDARITY!" ..

The above is just a glimpse of Gaza experiences as conveyed by Dr Mona Elfarra.
A contribution to efforts to get the World to know the truth about the real situation in Gaza ..

You can follow Dr Mona through her own blog :

The Diary of a Lady Doctor in GAZA

http://monaingaza.wordpress.com/

London Gaza Demo

 a panoramic view in Hyde Park

 Egypt was there

 Morocco was there

 CND was there

 Iran, India, Kashmir, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Malaysia, Indonesia were there

 young, old, able, disable, all were there

 Boycott, academic boycott has had many successes..

 Viva Palestina... Latinos were there

 Liberal

 Chile, some officials were there

 Islamic Flags flying along Marxist & Liberal.. all were there

 tired, but will continue

 Oxford street packed with protesters..

 Oxford street both sides

 Viva Ireland, Viva Palestine

 no matter what, all united for Palestine

 Israel: stop killing, Stop Killing, STOP KILLING

 Scots were there

 Turks were there

 my first view of the demo

the demo concluded with the famous Palestinian/ Arabic song موطني My Homeland....