What if?

I have a wild thought, so bear with me!

What if the world is not as we think of it, it is completely different, just let your imagination guide, lets go:

What if we are a very ting microorganisms inhibiting, or to be more accurate, infecting the earth. Some of us are bad bugs, and some are good, still there is an infection, an earthitis! What if global warming as we think we know it is just a mild fever the earth is suffering because of us, the infection. 

What if all the stars and planets we think we are looking at and studying are just normal living creatures going on their daily life. Some of them might be very interested in studying micro forms of life; us!

What if the bacteria living inside us is thinking of us in the same way we are thinking of our planet! and Earth is thinking of us in the same way we think of bacteria! after all, we are all made of 70% water!

What if the atoms that filling our universe are actually tiny creatures who some are fat, some are slim, some are rich riding private Gamma rays, and some are poor using public electron transports. 

What if some of them are debating creation, existence, life and death and all the jargon we philosophise about. What if some are warning them of dooms day, and some are just not convinced!

What if there is a complex life at every level, just like us!

What if there is a poor hydrogen atom, a tiny weak bacteria, a small dumb planet, an idiotic human  writing right now: what if!

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انفصام!

انفصام الشخصية العربية

انا مواطن عربي- وهذا ليس باختياري. والكثير من الاشياء في حياتي لا يد لي فيها، لا اختيار، ولا حيلة. ولدت في المشرق، لم اختر مكان ولادتي الذي يبعد الكثير عن ما اسموه وطني الذي لم اختر ان انتمي اليه. ولم اختر طفولتي، حرب في لبنان ابعدتنا، وتوتر سياسي في سوريا رحلّنا. لم اختر مدرستي، ولا هي اختارتني، ولازلت احتفظ بقصاصة كتب عليها مدير المدرسة: لا مانع من قبوله في الصف الخامس رغم ان عدد الطلاب ٢٠٤ وعدد الصفوف ٤.

لم يك بخياري الذهاب الى المسجد، ولم يك قراري ان اتوقف خوفا من الاشتباه بي بأني من تنظيم اسلامي. لم اقرر اي فرع في الثانوية ان ادرس، كان قرار المدرسة، ولم اكن انا من كتب الاختيارات على طلب القبول الجامعي ،وقرار القبول الموحد هو من فرض علي دراستي الجامعية. 

ملابسي يختارها المجتمع، طعامي يختاره الموسم واليوم من الشهر.

لم يقل لي احدا يوما ماذا تريد؟ لا اعرف ماذا احب من الاشياء، فلم املك يوما خياراَ في امتلاكها. 

رغم انعدام الخيارات في حياتي انا دائما مطالب بأن اختار موقفاََ من الاحداث واتشبث به. وخياراتي دائما متضادة. عندما بدأت اعي العالم حولي طُلب مني ان اختار ان اقف مع بلد عربي ضد اخر، هذا احتل هذا وذاك طلب عون القريب والغريب على هذا! كان لا بد ان اختار!

لاحقا قيل لي هل انت مع السلام ام ضده؟ هل انت مع الانفتاح الاقتصادي، ام ضده؟ مع الخصخصة ام ضدها؟ مع الصوت الواحد ام ضده؟ 

حاولت ان افهم ماذا يعني خيار؟ ماذا يعني ان اتخذ موقف واختار ما اريد، رغم اني لا اعرف ماذا اريد! وبدأت الخيارات تتعقد! 

الان وانا اناظر الاحداث حولي اتسأل: هل حقا علي ان اختار مع اي طرف اريد ان اكون؟

هل اساند الناتو في قصفه لبلد عربي، ام اساند الثوار في وقفتهم امام الحاكم؟ هل أبكي على الامن والامان مع قليل من الخوف وكثير من الذل،  ام اتنعم بالحرية قبل ان يصيبني الرصاص؟ هل ابكي على مصر الثورة، ام ٍمصر الامنة، ام مصر المدنية؟ هل اكون فل، ام اخوان؟ هل أساند الشيعة في البحرين، ام السنة في ايران؟ هل ما يحدث في سوريا مؤامرة اكشف خيوطها، ام اصطف مع "المتأمرين" واغني للحرية؟

نحن لا نعرف ان نختار، لم نتعلمه يوما ابدا، كل شيء في حياتي واجب او حرام؟ لماذا تطالبوني ان اختار، والكل يلومني لاني لم ولا احسن الاختيار؟

حقيقة اشعر اني مصاب باضطراب نفسي، انفصام شديد بالشخصية! تروادني افكار بالانتحار، ولكني لا عرف كيف، ولا اريد ان اختار!

 

الكل يختار موقفه وحزبه وفكره ونظامه العالمي، والكل مؤمن انه على الحق الابلج، وكل ما سواه ضال، مضلل، رجعي، مستشرق، مستغرب، يكره الحق ولا يريد ان يقر به!

ايها العالم العربي، انا معكم جميعا، انا سلفي اؤمن ان ما اصلح حال اول الامة سيصلح حال اخرها، اخواني اعرف ان البناء لا بد ان يبدأ من القاعدة، تحريري مقتنع بان الخلافة هي الحل، ليبرالي اقول بالمساواة والحرية، متمدن انادي بالدولة المدنية، اشتراكي اطالب بالتوزيع العادل للثروة، رأسمالي ادافع عن حرية التملك، سني وشيعي، شرقي وغربي، عربي وعربي، متطرف ومتطرف. هل هذه الخيارات ترضيكم؟

وانا ايضا عكس ذلك كله، ومؤيد ومعارض بشدة، انا كما تريدون واكثر، انا مصاب بانفصام بالشخصية!

Dreams, all sort of dreams

Expensive dreams...

Close your eyes and fly, the world is all yours. Thats how we try enjoying life, if we can't do it in reality, we close our eyes and dream about it.

You do not need much, just your self and your thoughts, your wild thoughts. 

This is what makes life beautiful, because what is impossible in real life is easy in your dreams, what is unachievable becomes feasible. Life suddenly becomes simple and enjoyable, worth living.

Dreams by definition are nice, sweet and happy, if they are not, then they are no longer dreams, they are nightmares. 

I always thought that everything permissible in dreams, that there is no such cheap or expensive dreams, but recently i am doubting such believes.

The older we grow the more we realise our reality. We come to understand how little we are, how insignificant and may i say rubbish, as mankind or individuals.

The more our understanding or our reality grows the less enjoyable our dreams are. We start to have cheap dreams, much more simpler, less ambitious and less exciting. 

When you are five you dreams extend beyond all what humanity can achieve, by the time you are fifty your dreams are hardly achievable by you. As we get older our dream about the flying car shrinks gradually to a low tax cheaply insured economical family car! 

Hence, i would like to propose a new approach to dreams, let us teach our kids some cheap dreams, dreams that we can afford, and by the time they are our age they will be ecstatic as all their dreams have come true, not like us suffering bipolar disorders and trying to compromise further more on what we could and should dream about....

My kingdom, my throne..

My kingdom, my throne!

 

Here is where I find myself.

 

I sit on what I call “my throne” and relax as I feel I am sinking in, remove all that stuck on me; in or out, clear my mind, my body and soul of that is bothering me.

 

Everything here is made in way so I can maximize my joy. The smooth wood touching my body, the purling of water just adding a sense of serendipity to the scene, the choice of colours that is very simple, and plain. Everything is just right, so I can enjoy what I call my throne.

Here is where I feel at peace with myself and the world, I feel that I own the moment; nothing else is here but me. Time stops and I start, I allow my thoughts to go as wild as they could, as dreamy as they wish, and as happy as happiness could be. I build things, people, relations, opportunities, houses, and even miracles. I give speeches that everybody admires, I have followers, I become famous, the greatest a man could become. I travel, discover, and solve problems, not just mine, every problem that mankind known, I find a solution for, and I trail it and it works.

 

Here I feel I am who I am distended to be, I am who I should and I hoped to be, I am my real self.

 

I relax and enjoy, think and reflect. I make the best out of this magical moment, I live it to its maximum potential.

 

On my throne  my thoughts are limitless, my powers have no boundaries,  my decisions are not questionable, my life is perfect, ...

-Dad; I really really need to use the toilet!

Just one more minute…

-that what you’ve said ten minutes ago!!

Sadly, someone else need to use the throne!

Existence!!!!!!

Ignoring me....

I do not exist, or may be i am not sure if i do exist or not.

While others are busy to find the purpose of existence, i am struggling to find my existence.

I get on the bus sit next to somebody, anybody, could be you, and i notice that i am totally ignored as if i do not exist. I walk the roads the markets and plenty more places trying to see if anybody notices me? Do others notice my existence or i am a ghost, a wave of flesh passing by, nobody.

I look into peoples eyes, straight in the eyes trying to make sure that i am seen, i shout loudly so i can be heard, i try to prove my existence to others, but in every attempt i end up in frustration and failure, others notice me as a noise, as a mass, but not as me, a human, the best they could see is nobody!

I am nobody, to you and to most of those who inhibit earth, you and them still ignoring me, you still pretend i do not exist, and maybe you are all right, I do not exist, i am just a shadow of human who died at birth and just happened that the body continued to grow...

فلسفة زايدة

كلنا فلاسفة

كان مما درسته في الجامعة مادة مدخل الى علم الفلسفة، والحقيقة ان اكثر ما اثار اهتمامي في المادة هو اسمها"علم الفلسفة" اي ان الفلسفة علم، وبما اني فشلت في مجالات العلوم الاخرى احببت ان اجرب حظي في هذا العلم. 

درست اشياء كثيرة في هذه المادة ولكني لم احفظ الكثير الا اشياء ثلاثة: 

الفلسفة هي حب الحكمة... 

احد الفلاسفة قال ان الجمال هو الحياة..

لا شيء يقيني في الفلسفة وكل شيء قابل للنقض والاثبات مرات ومرات.

الان اتذكر هذه الاشياء وانا تصفح النت، الاف الكتاب، وعلى كل مقالة الاف التعليقات، الاف التغريدات على تويتر وكل تغريدة تسلتزم الف رد... والفيسبوك يمتلىء بالمواضيع والنقاشات .. ما يثيرني دائما هو ان غالب المواد المقروءة تدعي الفلسفة، وبما اني اعرف الكثير عن علم الفلسفة (ثلاثة اشياء تحديدا) اشعر باني ملزم ان اوضح ثلاثة اشياء:

الفلسفة هي حب الحكمة، لا النطق بها. هي البحث عن الحكمة وليس كما نرى الالاف والملايين ينطقون بما يدعون انه الحكمة!

جمالية المقولات والحكمة التي نراها ونسمعها كل يوم هي في علاقتها في الحياة، كم منها يمكن ان يكون حي، وكم منها هو كلام اجوف ميت.

كثرة الجدال والنقاش والاختلاف زادتني يقينا ان الفلسفة فعلا هي مبنية على ان كل شيء قابل للجدل ولا يوجد شيء يقيني ثابت...

مادة مدخل الى علم الفلسفة كانت مادة ممتعة، حصلت فيها ٨٢٪ وهي علامة جيدة جدا. الحياة الان في هذا العصر الفلسفي ليست بنفس المتعة واظن اني ساحمل المادة واعيدها.. الاختلاف ان الاولى كانت متطلب اختياري، ام الان فهي اجباري..

thinking:

Thinking, a lot of it. Not sure what I am thinking about, but what counts is I am thinking, therefore I exist.

Is it a game that I am trying to win, or a challenge I want to overcome. Maybe it’s just me, who I am.. a thinker.

Before going to bed I spend a good  hour thinking, first thing when I get up as I stay in bed for 10 to 20 minutes thinking. On the train, the tube, the bus, sitting in the office, in meetings, walking the short distance from the office to the station, always thinking.

One of the many things that I am thinking about is how people become insane? Why some commit suicide? Why some become so sadistic? Going through my continuous thinking process it is a simple answer, losing relation with reality and living in their own world of thoughts! A world created consciously by their own thoughts, very selective thoughts that are put together gradually to create a world that they prefer to live in rather than the real “toxic” world. 

To put this in a different way, you hate your existence but as you continue to think you continue to exist, then create your own existence! I like brown, so that’s the colour of my sky, I like BMW so that is the brand of my coffee, I like Palestine so that’s the name of my mistress, I like something in the real world, I take it with me to my preferred world of existence in the way I like it to be, and gradually I have my own world and therefore: I am insane.

Hearing this you must say “oh God, he’s gone off, totally” or maybe in my own created world that what you should do! But I can assure that I am not insane –although they all say that- I am genius (they also say that). I have complete understanding of all my surroundings and everything is under control, hence I am creating my own universe! 

Thinking, more thinking about what to think about..  

Worry not my friend, I am still here, for now, but I have realized the danger of my thinking processes and trying to reverse it, I do not want to be insane, so I am now considering becoming a drug addict. Which does the same thing, makes you happy and living in your own world that you have created your self, without too much thinking. 

Strangely, I can’t find you in my world, there must be something about you that I don’t really like, wonder what that might be? Oh, yes, your relationship to the real me, I hate the real me, so I don’t want any thing that reminds me of "me", including you.

Imagine if this is true, really can you imagine such thing? If so then maybe it is true and you are not imagining and I am not insane, or maybe I am really good in pretending it is not true, or true so I can’t tell nor anyone else.