thinking:

Thinking, a lot of it. Not sure what I am thinking about, but what counts is I am thinking, therefore I exist.

Is it a game that I am trying to win, or a challenge I want to overcome. Maybe it’s just me, who I am.. a thinker.

Before going to bed I spend a good  hour thinking, first thing when I get up as I stay in bed for 10 to 20 minutes thinking. On the train, the tube, the bus, sitting in the office, in meetings, walking the short distance from the office to the station, always thinking.

One of the many things that I am thinking about is how people become insane? Why some commit suicide? Why some become so sadistic? Going through my continuous thinking process it is a simple answer, losing relation with reality and living in their own world of thoughts! A world created consciously by their own thoughts, very selective thoughts that are put together gradually to create a world that they prefer to live in rather than the real “toxic” world. 

To put this in a different way, you hate your existence but as you continue to think you continue to exist, then create your own existence! I like brown, so that’s the colour of my sky, I like BMW so that is the brand of my coffee, I like Palestine so that’s the name of my mistress, I like something in the real world, I take it with me to my preferred world of existence in the way I like it to be, and gradually I have my own world and therefore: I am insane.

Hearing this you must say “oh God, he’s gone off, totally” or maybe in my own created world that what you should do! But I can assure that I am not insane –although they all say that- I am genius (they also say that). I have complete understanding of all my surroundings and everything is under control, hence I am creating my own universe! 

Thinking, more thinking about what to think about..  

Worry not my friend, I am still here, for now, but I have realized the danger of my thinking processes and trying to reverse it, I do not want to be insane, so I am now considering becoming a drug addict. Which does the same thing, makes you happy and living in your own world that you have created your self, without too much thinking. 

Strangely, I can’t find you in my world, there must be something about you that I don’t really like, wonder what that might be? Oh, yes, your relationship to the real me, I hate the real me, so I don’t want any thing that reminds me of "me", including you.

Imagine if this is true, really can you imagine such thing? If so then maybe it is true and you are not imagining and I am not insane, or maybe I am really good in pretending it is not true, or true so I can’t tell nor anyone else.